Football Manager Diary – April/May 2016 – End of the Season

Football Manager 2014 LogoChampions League Quarter Final. Down 3-2 from the first leg. A semi final of the FA cup against a team we’ve never lost to. Top of the league, and with a match to come against the 2nd place team.

Its gonna be a fun ride boys.

Heres the table

league start april

And heres our remaining fixtures as they stand right now

fix end

We’re in the middle of a mini squad crisis. Our main left winger Chadli is out for the rest of the season. Morrison is out for a week. Kondogbia and Bradley are both suspended for 1 more league match.


2-4-2016 – West Ham (1st) vs Wolves (18th)


6 mins in Xavi is injured. Fuck. Rafinha is on and I push him up to AM and Pugilese to CM. We exchange early chances, with Nedelev performing well on the left, and we put the ball in the net when his cross is headed on by Carroll and Vydra smashes in – but he’s offside. Its 0-0 at the half.

3 minutes in we play the ball around, and Nedelev lays back to Rafinha whos shot is way too powerful for Hennesey to stop! Valdes is forced into a wondersave from Antonio to keep us in it, then with a minute left we get a corner and Hangeland heads in!

Thank fuck for that

wolves stats

West Ham 2-0 Wolves
Raginha (49) Hangeland (89)
League Position – 1st

Xavi is out for 5-6 weeks. Fuck.

Man United draw 2-2. Holy Shit. City draw against Villa. Holy Shit. Heres the table

league after west bromWe could seriously win the league. But theres other matters to take care of

6-4-2016 – West Ham vs PSG (2-3) – Champions League Quarter Final 2nd Leg


We need a win. Any win.

Its a dead first half, with no highlights. Theyve had 4 shots to our 2, but we’ve had 55% of the ball. In the second we get a decent chance when Carroll back heels to Nedelev but he hits the post. Despite a load of changes the match plays out to a 0-0

Unlucky boys

psg2 stats

West Ham 0-0 PSG

A good effort. Ive no complaints. Dust ourselves down, and lets go to Wembley. Newcastle beat Liverpool in extra time in the other semi.

Wait Newcastle beat Liverpool. Newcastle are in the FA cup final? Harry Redknapp is in the cup final?

harry-redknapp-croppedI’m coming for you Cuntface.

And before the match, some good news.

holy shit spurs


10-4-2016 – Reading vs West Ham (Wembley) FA Cup Semi


Nedelev comes close with a scissors kick from a cross. He then hits the post from a free kick. At half time we’ve had 10 shots to their 0.

5 mins into the second half its a Nedelev cross again and Carroll heads in! In the 69th minute Reading have their 1st shot, but Valdes saves. The game comes to a boring end of a dominating 1-0 win.

We’re going to… uh, I mean We’re coming back to Wembley!

readingsemi stats

Reading 0-1 West Ham
Carroll (51)

That leaves me vs Harry in the FA Cup final. I’m coming for you.

We’ve got 2 league games in 4 days now. But wait…

wtf south

HOLY SHIT SOUTHAMPTON. Lets have a look at the table.

league before everton

Ive won the league havent I?

13-4-16 – West Ham (1st) vs Everton (7th)


33 mins in Everton hit the bar with a free kick, Eto bags the rebound but is offside. Its 0-0 at the half. Everton dominate, and despite some changes, Everton take the lead with 12 mins to go through Mirales. 4 minutes later we equalise through Carroll fresh off the bench after Bradley puts him through. And thats how it ends.

everton stats

West Ham 1-1 Everton
Carroll (82) – Miralles (79)
League Position – 1st

Everton get taken over by a consortium.

league pre villa

How many points do we need Gary?

pts neededTa.

16-4-2016 – Villa (9th) vs West Ham (1st)


Its a dead first half, so I bring on Andy at HT. Its a really poor game tho, with just 5 shots in total in the 1st half. With just 13 mins left Vydra breaks up the left and Cabral takes him out. Its a straight red. I throw everything forward, but its just a point.


villa stats

Villa 0-0 West Ham
Cabral sent off (79)
League Position 1st

Heres how the league stands before our match vs United.

league pre united

A draw will win the title.

Heres our record vs them

past results united united historyWe’ve turned the tide in the last 2 matches. Can we get a 1st ever win against them?

23-4-2016 – West Ham (1st) vs Man United (2nd)


6 mins in and Fellaini heads a corner down, Kondogbia clears off the line but Evans bags the rebound. Fuck.

15 mins in Rooney doubles the lead heading in a Pastore cross. United have scored from their first two attacks.

Carroll has a chance from a long ball, but De Gea saves.

44 mins, another corner which Fellaini heads in. FUCKS SAKE.

Vydra on for Carroll at half time.

Vydra goes 1v1 but De Gea saves. Juanmi and Mertesacker on for Davis and Coleman and its a 3322 as I’m going for it. Its no good tho.



united stats

West Ham 0-3 Man United
Evans (6) Rooney (15), Fellaini (44)
League Position – 1st

We cant throw this away please no.

after united league

We’ve got Brighton at home, and Arsenal away. United have Leicester away then Stoke at home.

How many points do we need Gary?

gary after united

A win vs Brighton and thats it.

We’ve played them once and we drew

They are in 18th, 3 points off safety so need a win.


30-4-2016 – West Ham (1st) vs Brighton (18th)


8 shots in the 1st half. Theyve had none. 61% posession. No goals. No highlights.

46 mins. Nedlev corner, headed by Hangeland, lands at Morrison who shoots. Keeper saves. Ball lands at Andys feet. He doesnt miss from there. GOOOAAALLLLLLL

Davies picks up a light injury so I bring on Rat. He deserves to be on the pitch for this. Carrol also comes off for Juanmi.

15 mins to go, they still havent had a shot. Nedelev dances into the box and is brought down. He takes the pen himself…. AND FUCKING SCOREEEESSSSS!!!!


Manchester United v Swansea City - Premier League

brighton stats

West Ham 2-0 Brighton
Carroll (47) Nedelev (pen 76)
League Position – 1st AND CONFIRMED CHAMPIONS!!!



8-5-2016 – Arsenal (10th) vs West Ham (1st)


Who cares about this. Im resting everyone I can for the FA Cup final.

Arsenal win through a last minute Vermalen header

arse stats

Arsenal 1-0 West Ham
Vermalen (89)
League Position – CHAMPIONS

Heres the final league table.

Final Leaguerecord league

And the awards are in.

Nedlev bags young player of the year.


Valdes gets the Golden Gloves award

golden glove

Team of the year has 3 of our men


But the big one…

Could it be….



But theres one more match. One chance of revenge against the man whos goaded me and threatened to derail my season


Oh its time

15-4-2016 – West Ham vs Newcastle – FA Cup Final


Sosa smashes a free kick in to give Newcastle the lead after just 5 minutes. The traditional Xavi corner tho works wonders, and Hangeland heads in after 8 mins. At half time we’ve had 8 shots to their 3.

Its a slow 2nd half. I bring on Bradley and Vydra for and Morrison and Schneiderlin. With 3 mins to go we bag a goal. Its another Xavi corner, and a Carroll header. HES DONE IT.

SPT-GCK-220504- FA Cup Final Picture  (Pool) Sir Alex Fergusondressing roomfinal stats

West Ham 2-1 Newcastle
Hangeland (8) Carroll (87) Sosa (5)

I set up my mate Vinnie Jones to sort out Harry. He spots him in his car window



Fuck off Redknapp.

Hilariously, he also announces his retirement after the match. But who cares


double 4 double 3 double 2 double 1


  • Phil Evans


    Love the board after the league win – “they stated their surprise at this achievement”

  • DealerDan

    Brilliant mate. Glad it was a nailbiter too and you got put out of champions league – was worried going in you’d walk the league and win the champs league then fuck all left to aim for after that. Great job.

    And now the updates out it’s time for me and Homer to do sync Stoke games!!!